How to support someone

How to support someone with mental health problems

If you are worried about a friend, colleague, or a family member who may be suffering with mental health problems this page offers some practical advice on how you can support them. Your support will be invaluable to that person as most people just want someone to talk to and usually people prefer to speak to friends and family before speaking to a healthcare professional.

How to recognise someone has a mental health problem?

It is important to remember that not everyone behave the same way when suffering with poor mental health. Sometimes it will seem obvious when someone is going through a hard time, whereas others appear “normal” but they could just be bottling everything up due to embarrassment or fear of stigma. There is no simple way of knowing if someone has a mental health problem. It is more important to respond sensitively to someone who seems troubled even if they say they are fine. Although certain symptoms are common with specific mental health problems, no two people behave in exactly the same way when they are unwell. If you know the person well, you may notice changes in their behaviour or mood.

On the other hand, if you do know someone with a diagnosis it would be helpful to educate yourself  on what the mental health condition is and how it affects them in order to offer support they need. To read more about a range of different mental health conditions, please click here. 

Talking to someone about their mental health

If you are concerned about someone’s mental health it is important to speak to them and not wait for them to approach you first. Waiting and hoping they will come to you for help might lose valuable time in getting them support. It is normal to feel like you don’t know what to say, but you don’t need to be a professional counsellor or therapist, you just need to let them know that you care and you are here to help. Talking to someone is the first step to take to find out if the person is going through a hard time, what is troubling them, and what you can do to help.

Below are some of our tips for effective communication about mental health:

  1. Set time aside with no distractions – it is important to discuss such sensitive issue in private environment with minimal distractions, for example invite them over for a coffee. It would not be the most productive discussion on the bus on the way home from university. Offer an open and non-judgemental space with no distractions.

 

  1. Listen carefully – simply allowing someone to talk and listening to how they are feeling can be helpful in itself. If they are finding it difficult to open up, be patient and let them know that you are there to listen when they are ready. Talking about one’s mental health can be difficult to go through so it is important you show good listening skills, reassure them that you care, maintain eye contact, and do not get distracted by other things like your phone. Repeat what they have said back to them to ensure you have understood it. You don’t have to agree with everything they say to you, but instead you should show that you understand how they feel and you respect their feelings.

 

  1. Allow them to share as much or as little as they want to – it is important you do not pressure them to tell you anything they are not ready to talk about. Let them lead the discussion at their own pace. Talking about something so personal can take a lot of trust and courage. 

 

  1. Stay calm – you may be upset to find out someone you care about suffers with mental health problems but it is important to stay calm as this will reassure the person and encourage them to feel calm too. If you fail to stay calm, the person will be discouraged from having open conversations about their mental health due to fear of upsetting others.

 

  1. Do not try to diagnose them – most likely you are not a qualified medical expert and while you may be happy have open conversations and offer support most likely you are not a trained therapist either. Try not to make assumptions about what is wrong or jump in to any conclusions about their diagnosis or suggest medication that you believe will help them. Only a trained healthcare professional is able to do this.

 

  1. Ask open ended questions – for example “Tell me how you are feeling?” rather than “I can tell you are depressed”. Try to keep your language neutral as this will allow the person to speak at their own pace. Give the person time to answer and try not to grill them with too many questions on things they may not feel ready to share.

 

  1. Discuss self-care – talk about different ways of de-stressing and practicing self-care and ask if they find anything helpful. Exercising, having a healthy diet and getting a enough sleep can have positive effects on mental health (see our page on Self-Care for more information). You can encourage self-care by practicing it together; for example invite the person for long walks or suggest to join a meditation class.

 

  1. Offer help in seeking professional support – you can offer to go the GP with them, suggest any support groups or organisations they can reach out to, signpost to resources – for example our page on Where You Can Get Support, or help them to talk to a tutor, friend, or family member. Do not to take control or insist but allow them to make decisions.

 

  1. Know your limits – if you believe they are in immediate danger or they have injuries that need medical attention, you need to take action to make sure they are safe. Information on what to do in a crisis can be found below.

 

Emotional Support

Stay in touch – the best support you could offer is to not drift away and keep things as normal as possible. This could include involving the person in social events and keeping regular contact. 

Practical Support

People with mental health problems are already going through a lot and the steps required to receive help may feel overwhelming for them. Offering practical support along their journey to get better will provide substantial help in easing some of their worries. Some examples of practical support can include helping them to prepare for an appointment with a healthcare professional by writing down everything they to wish ask or say; go to appointments with them, even if it is just to give them a lift or wait in the waiting room to help them feel reassured; ask them if there are any tasks or chores you could help them with.

What If Someone Does Not Want My Help

If someone struggling with mental health problems is not willing to accept any help you offer or reach out for help to someone else try not to take this personally, they may not be ready to open up about their mental health struggles yet and you should always respect their choice. It is important to keep being open and honest and telling them that you care.

What You Can Do:

  • Be patient – they may need more time to be able to ask for help, just let them know you are here to help when they are ready. Pressuring them to get help could make them feel less comfortable to open up about their mental health in the future.
  • Don’t be judgmental or disappointed because they refused help, you may not know the full story and the reasons why they find it difficult to get help.
  • Offer emotional support and reassurance – tell them you care about them and you’ll be there if they change their mind. Do not cut them off but continue staying in touch and involving them in social events.
  • Provide information on where they can seek help when they’re ready (for example, you could show them our page on Where to Get Support).
  • Take care of yourself and make sure you don’t become unwell yourself.
  • If you suspect the person is in immediate danger or they have injuries that need medical attention, you must take action to make sure they are safe. Information on what to do in a crisis can be found below.

 

What to do if someone is in a crisis?

People with mental health problems can experience a crisis, for example suicidal thoughts, or experiencing their own or a different reality. If someone is in immediate danger, call ambulance on 999.

The next steps you can take to help include:

  • Listening without being judgemental
  • Focussing on their immediate needs in that moment.
  • Ask what would help them.
  • Reassure them.
  • Avoid confrontation.
  • Ask if there is someone they would like you to contact.
  • Encourage them to seek appropriate professional help.
  • If they have hurt themselves, make sure they get the first aid they need.
  • Seeing, hearing or believing things that no-one else does can be very frightening and upsetting symptom of a mental health disorder. Gently remind the person who you are and why you are there. Do not reinforce or dismiss their experiences, but acknowledge how the symptoms are making them feel.

 

Disclaimer – Please note we are 3rd year pharmacy students. We are not qualified to provide medical advice. This blog is for information only. Please consult your doctor or pharmacist for advice.